Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
