My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Damn victory sex feels great
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
