So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
from now on my penis is your penis
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
