This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
