Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
