so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
