I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
