Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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