I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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