Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize