Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
