You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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