just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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