dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
