It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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