I just threw up on my dentist
i love accidental penises.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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