god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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