worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
handjob tips. give me some.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
sex in a hospital.. check
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
