it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
