Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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