I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
