Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
