Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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