why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
