PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
