What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
