and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize