How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
