Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
