I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
