Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my shit smells like andre
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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