I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They have beer where we have blood.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
