so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
