I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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