No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
