If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize