I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
