The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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