the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
jump out the window naked night went bad
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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