im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Four minutes until I can fart!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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