please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
