Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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