I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize