whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
