Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
