ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
