He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
