I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
