i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
