Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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