what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
