I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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