Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
