need another drink. this is the easiest way
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
