just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
