im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
