How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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