I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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