oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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