All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
