My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
