We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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