Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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